tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
