he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
