I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
