READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
