Just cropdusted the office
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You made out with two different species that night
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
