So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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