he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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