I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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