So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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