if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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