i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
