Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
