I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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