I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
