Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
