I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
