I will die if light touches me.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize