rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
