what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
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