Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
