I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Randomize
