Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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