I think im going to throw up on grandma
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
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