She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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