Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
that may or may not have been my penis.
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