Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
