help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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