Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
People in love make me want to vomit
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
