I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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