1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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