I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
