forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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