remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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