Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
two words...techno handjob
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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