before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
