whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
In America we eat man semen.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
