i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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