I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
