I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You took a bar mat shot.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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