i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
