Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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