would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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