well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
