Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
