Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
