It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
