I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
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