I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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