one two three fourrrrnication!
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
