I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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