Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
