Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
