I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
