Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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