I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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