I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize