just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
