for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize