Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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