WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
