just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
