my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
