I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
