your thong is hanging out like whoa
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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