are you still at the devil's house?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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