wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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