So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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