...so i touched it.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
